I'm 18!

I'm legal.

Finally. lolx

Oiii!!! I'm legal people..!

no more teasing before entering a 18 and above movie. xD

ps. thanks. ily.

Like I'd expected, September was a total shit.

One of my computer broke down.

My Printer broke down.

My watch cacated. (Timer pointer wont point to zero when it shud be zero)

Camera cacated. (there's a black spot in all my pictures, even though i'd clean the lens several times)

Spec cacated (Senget ady)

Phone Cacated (Up, back, left stick button not functioning)

see?

See that?!

Gosh..

Sometimes.

i'm really tired.

tired of everything.

sometimes even tired of actually living.

(don't get me wrong. i will never give up life)

I tried.

Tried to force myself to once again,

go back to my old thinking.

Where I once think and believes that.

and had even tried to spread my thoughts,

that everything have their own bright side.

for example you are facing exams..

stress.

well, they are indeed quite a burden to us students.

but in fact, they make us stronger in life, a better foundation, a better understanding.

with flying results, we get good jobs, we get good pay, we get a great life.

however,

Through those up and downs that I'd been through,

slowly, I forgot about this.

that is because i learned something.

I learnt that no matter how bright and how good that thing is, if it hurts you no matter how,

it is not at all a bright side.

well, it does gives you the bright side..

but maybe, you just have to put 1000000X more effort in it.

If that was the case,

then my dear friends,

it's time to let go.

letting go was never an easy decision.

but sometimes, one may have to take that route.

in order to prevent further harm to self and others.

Life is tough.

Some says that it is tough because God trains you.

I think that it is tough because we make it to be tough.

everything starts with our brain.

When we think life is tough, it will be tougher.

when we think life is superb, it will be far more superb than superb.

My weird mood started since long time ago..

specially on Friday night.

Have no ideas what happened.

but it was just like. Everything is wrong. Everything is the end and nothing is right.

That smile that i put on when I'm with friends.

Sorry to tell you.

that's a fake smile that i put up.

When i'm left alone.

I think shit.

shits that i don't want to think but my brain just non stop thinking.

So i don't want to be left alone.

anyone wana yam cha session, do call me.

I need to relax.

those negatives things.

those bad stuffs.

Everything that will do me no good.

Pop up in my mind,

causing me to be extremely moody.

Even though i tried my very best to smile from the very deep of my heart,

i just couldn't make it =(

Heart bleeding, no tears in my eyes.

I rather have tears.

This made me suffer.

I wish..

................

Ignore this post.

just another post of bull where i have no ideas what i'm typing.

p/s i need you, hell lot.

Two days ago..

Happy Moon Cake Festival! =)

I kinda enjoyed it.

That night,

My family and I, one lantern each,

we walked around the neighborhood.

Well,

at first it feels kinda weird and embarrassed.

as people might say..

yii, so old still play lantern.

but had they every thought that,

playing lantern during moon cake fest is a chinese tradition,

if We chinese are not to maintain our own culture, then who will?

To those who think playing lantern are just for kids,

you have no brains, or well, mayb you're not Chinese.

So we walked around the neighbor hood. Saw other ppl playing,

and they join us too =)

so the gang grew..

btw,

electronic lanterns are so !@#$%%@#$@#$%!@$# noisy!

wth.

i prefer the old one.

where's the fun of playing with fire and candles if you use the electric one?

heh.

nothing much to say.

going for kkhs moon cake concert later.

hope it'll be still ok..

first time to sit as audience but not on stage as performers.

and after the concert,

we will play lantern in school =D

looking forward to it hell much..

Hope shits wont flying at my face again.

will definitely piss me off.

ps. 我只想要你陪

Don't read this post of shit.

Today, in short..

Piece of shit.

Shits flying everywhere,

and most of them hit me.

16th of September..

A public holiday.

I was seriously looking forward to this day since Monday.

was gonna go movie with friends

Well..

Shit came one by one.

When i was about to leave my house at 11.30am.

I look at the drawer where we keep all of our keys and my car key was no where to be found.

I quickly ran for the door.

!@#$%^

my car was not there.

Now how am i going to go out without a car?

Called my parents.

And knew that they drove it out to service the car.

Well..

I somehow kinda raised my voice a bit because i was erm.. shocked and sad at the same time

as i have to break my promise =(

after that was disaster.

I sit in my living room. every car sound i heard, i stand up and glance through the window.

Nop. not my car.

that goes on for one hour.

That one hour was torturous.

Had my heart bleeding but no tears came out.

Promised to pick you up but i ended up sitting there. Useless.

My plan was to leave the house at 11.15.

So that i can grab your mentos along the way and reach you before 12.

but i thought of doing a small card.

that took me sometime.

mood was no where better than horrible once i noticed those shit that happened.

Waited until 12.15. my mum is back.

Jumped up the car and somehow raised my voice while talking to her.

Feeling pretty worried and condemned that time.

So basically i do not know what i was doing.

Mum tried to explain.

but i just left my house.

Drove 140km/h along the highway.

and when you told me not to come.

i just.....

so i fetched foo and we went for zhu mee fen in gaya street.

although i wasn't happy at all.

still forced a smile out to entertain my friends.

can see that he knew i wasn't in the mood as well.

meet kuit up at 1B cinema and watched Resident evil 3D.

Things ain't good when i reached home..

had a few lectures and argument with my parents.

Apologies though.

It was my bad at the first place.

It was all just some misunderstanding.

plus, that workers in the shop had some problems doing the car.

ended up late.

my parents are good enough to give me a car.

pay for my petrol.

Drove my car for service.

and what had i returned them?

I somehow scolded at them, voice raised actually.

some how think that they ruined everything.

thought they find excuse to prevent me from going out.

and also,

they did everything for me so that i can accompany my friends.

at the same time, lesser time with them.

and i only have a few months left in kk =(

Thanks also for mum, rush back home to pass the car to me.

and i still blame her for driving slow.

and the actual thing was that workshop did faulty job to my car and make things got shitty.

I'm sorry mum and dad.

Horribly sorry.

I still love you all.

It was just misunderstanding.

A childish kid with a childish mind.

If you were to make me choose between family and friends,

i will have to say.

sorry my friend.

for me, i can't live without friends.

i need them.

i need you all.

i need support.

or else i'll be boneless.

like a pile of shit.

don't misunderstand. i still appreciate everyone of you.

today's program,

i really did spent sometime thinking about it.

like how i wished it will turn out like that.

how sweet will it be if like this.

but seems like non of it came true.

well.

maybe sometimes we just can't think too much

thinking give you hope.

hope makes you dream

dream leads you to be obsessed.

and when you're overly obsessed with something.

shit happened.

later that.

my printer broke down.

my computer broke down.

everything.

on the same day.

=(

I think today should be the worst day for september 2010.

and could even be nominated as the worst for year 2010.

=(

A public holiday. =(

That's it i suppose.

the rest, i leave it for my diary. =(

答应了但没做到.

我真的非常抱歉.

只想告诉你,

我尽力了.

对不起.

错过了,

我非常后悔.

或许是命运吧. =(

真希望,

能紧紧地抱着你,

不放开.

带你,

到海边,

看着夕阳,

变成星星.

带你,

到永远,

到天堂.

还能容忍多久,

我不知道.

知道的是,

火山终有一天会爆发.

有人说我傻.

有人说我蠢.

为什么就不接受事实,

放弃一切?

都回了一致的答案.

因为我爱她.

ps. ...

陈文豪，

再次的，

跌进大海.

幸好,

我学会了,

把自己带出世界,

忘记一切,

再次回到人群中.

ps. ily.